Kris Sabbi
  • Home
  • Research
  • Outreach
  • A Field Blog

adventures in primatology

Portraits IX: Gola's Little Ginger

6/27/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
​Something different about this field season is that my focus for data collection is grown up chimps and adolescents, rather than the infants and juveniles. At first, that felt like it would be a very difficult change for me because I would miss the babies so much--- until I realized that I have been doing this long enough for that first cohort of kiddos in my dissertation work to graduate into adolescence and even adulthood. After that I just felt old for a minute. It was a roller coaster.
 
Gola is one of these graduate females. She was just a toddler when first met her during my pilot season- a tiny little ball of chimp fluff, and she was under the weather and very pouty that day. As she felt better that summer, and over subsequent seasons of data collection I watched Gola grow, her playful personality out-pacing her stature. She became one of my best-photographed chimps- and I still haven't captured a better portrait then that very first image of Gola.  Between ending one project and starting this new one I crossed all my toes and fingers that I could make it back before she immigrated. Then, just before I reached the field station, we got word that she had come out of her night nest with her own tiny baby! 
Picture
Picture
​Now, this is a rare treat for someone like me who studies chimpanzees because most of the time, adolescent females leave their natal groups and join a new group to reproduce. In fact, we’ve gained two such immigrant subadult females this year! Because it is so rare, we don’t have a very solid handle on why it happens (but see this reference about dispersal at Gombe). In this case, it’s possible that Gola stuck around because her high-ranking mother, who recently died, left behind a good core area that Gola could slip right into instead of taking the risk of establishing herself in a new group- but keep in mind that that’s just one hypothesis. 
Picture
​Regardless of why she stayed, the fact that she did gives us the rare opportunity to follow a female chimpanzee and record their behavior from infancy through adulthood. I find it especially exciting because now I get the chance to watch how she is as a mother after watching her own mother raise her. How will her style compare to her mother’s? Will her personality change through this big life change? Stay tuned as we learn and observe more, but for now, enjoy these images of Gola and Ginger. 
0 Comments

Same Same, but Different

3/27/2022

0 Comments

 
Picture
​Back to the field, a bit older, carrying a bit more knowledge and some new titles, bringing some greetings and supplies toward my second home in forest. Things here are the same, but different too: the forest trails I've learned so well, with some elephant-made alterations. Many of those same old chimps I’ve loved since 2013, but with some of my favorite faces gone, and some ones faces I can’t wait to learn. Plus a new alpha that I'm trying to come to terms with... he's really not my favorite. The same field team I’ve worked with for years, but they’ve all grown and added to their families, too. And we've added some new friends and colleagues at another site! I’m full of the hope in new-ness that comes with an American spring or a Ugandan rainy season: fresh beginnings in a familiar place. 
Picture
​This season I’ll be taking new data, following new focals, thinking about new and different questions and challenges- but it’s all still rooted in understanding where we came from and how we came to be that way. I’ll be more focused on the adults than I have before, but don’t worry, I’m not abandoning the chimp babies. I promise, as always, to spam your timelines with chimpanzee baby pictures as often as possible while I’m here. Same forest, same chimps, but new questions and new methods (and a few new chimps, too).
Picture
​As any developmentally-minded biologist might do, I’ve been ruminating on how my blog has shifted and changed over the years, as I’ve learned and experienced more. At the start of it, my only goal was to write things down in one place to relieve the pressure of individually emailing everyone I knew. Over the years I’ve continued recording those stories as they happen, and added some more experimentation with more informal ways of communicating science. My aim this time is to do a bit of the same, but to do it differently with more intention and an eye on the bigger picture. I hope that this space can grow into a new purpose this year- one for people I was ten or fifteen years ago aching to find their way into this field and in need of a take-off point. Something like field advice and how-to columns, plus a post here or there helping to put our research and publications into context, and, of course, updates on some of the chimps that I’ve featured through the years on this blog (sneak peak: at least one more of my original study juveniles has had a baby in the community!).
0 Comments

Concussion II: Pace

9/3/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Pele checking in with me, to see if I'm ready to play again...
The hardest lesson I’ve learned from my November 2017 concussion is how to forgive myself for failing. You might think that I should already be really good at this because I'm a graduate student and scientist- so I get rejections all the time! But it's different when you're failing yourself as opposed to some outside outcome that you have little to no control over.

I can barely count the target dates that I've missed for being unable to think straight. I drafted this piece in March as my brain was inching closer toward to nearly full operational capacity. Around that time, I also finally became able to focus on my “real” dissertation work at a semi-normal pace again. By then I was so behind (I’m still behind) that my triage list couldn’t possibly fit something as “silly” as attention to my blog. I have been feeling guilty for not having edited and posted it ever since. When I was finally ready to post,  I hit an insurmountable wall of technical difficulties in the field (including Weebly not letting me edit my site from Uganda). Then, suddenly, it was conference time (more on that later). Pre-concussion Kris would have just given up and scrapped this whole piece. It’s so much later than my self-imposed deadline that I might as well chuck it out because no one will read it anyway. And then there is that other little nag that no one wants to read a downer blog focussed on the difficulties of my life.

But this weekend, as I bathe in a different forest, I’m forgiving myself and banishing imposter syndrome. This is my story and I feel better when I write it. Maybe someone will feel better when I share it. So I’m posting this piece late, at concussion pace.
Picture
Dramatic reenactment of me wrestling my brain, trying to will it back into a “proper schedule…” (tldr: mistakes. Don’t do that.)
03 Mar 2018
​
I realized just now, after starting this post and deleting it for the thousandth time, that today is just about the 10th anniversary of my first concussion. Ten years ago, about two weeks before spring break and my 21st birthday, I blocked a direct shot on goal with my face during an indoor soccer match. I don’t know if I lost consciousness, I don’t think I did, but I also can’t remember anyone no asking or checking. The situation was complicated by the fact that I was just playing with some people that I was friendly with, but not a close friend of. If I’m honest, they were a bunch of Cool Kids who recruited me mostly because they needed an extra girl to field their co-ed team and I knew one of the guys from high school. I’d embarrassed myself terribly in front of these guys before, and I was so concerned about whether I had embarrassed myself again that I couldn’t really cope with anything else.
Picture
Actual image of my face after impact. Figurative representation of those feels too...equal parts "ouch" and "what the...?"
So I limped away, got myself home, and convinced myself it was no big deal, I was just being a wuss and needed to shake it off. I was too ashamed to seek help at first. About three days later, I stared at my computer through tears in devastating frustration for the umpteenth hour trying to write a midterm essay for the toughest undergraduate course I ever took. Even though I had outlined the essay in detail, I couldn’t remember what the hell I was trying to say three words ago, let alone the points I had planned to make three days ago. I couldn’t finish any of the sentences. For the first time in this nerd’s life, my brain, the only thing I could always count on, had abandoned me. My tears were part confusion, part frustration, and part terror that my brain might never come back online.
​
When I finally got to student health the next day, they prescribed me rest and extensions on all my midterms. The latter part did nothing but increase my stress about them and, consequently, inhibit the resting bit. They told me no booze for at least two weeks and no soccer either. Then they sent me back up to my dorm to pack my bags for break. I don’t remember that they requested any follow-ups, but anyway there weren’t any.
Picture
Get over here, Brain! Get your act together!
Despite the direct hit to my face and the force that pulsed through my brain with it, that concussion was milder than this one. I was tired and my brain was muddled for the first week or so but I was back to normal by the end of the second week. I wrote my midterms while on spring break in Orlando between Jurassic Park and Animal Kingdom. I turned 21 and drank a bit earlier than I should have but it didn’t seem to have too bad an effect. At that age, it felt easy to bounce back from anything.

Back then, ten years ago, we knew surprisingly little about concussions, especially compared to what we’ve learned about them since. We’ve known that concussions have obvious detrimental short-term effects but we’ve learned that repeated(?) concussions have more confusing and difficult to recognize long-term effects. We’ve learned that concussions require multiple check-ins, follow-up appointments, continuous monitoring- at least for the professional male American football players and maybe for the younger men and boys who play football too. Non-professional athletes with subpar insurance, however, are far less likely to get such devoted treatment. Even this time, there wasn’t much professional help to be had. There weren’t any follow-ups to speak of. Almost everything that I learned about how sudden impacts move through our jelly-like brains, what your brain does immediately after such a blow, and how it continues to heal itself, was through independent research- including one very apropos alumni lecture in February.
Picture
TFW you're really sure that you should be "all better" by now and you're super frustrated that you're brain is on a different schedule but also so so tired because brain has been working all day and isn't better yet.
So I guess the goals of these three posts (third post forthcoming) are twofold. First, writing anything at all and especially something with a little less pressure than my dissertation chapters, is helping me work figure out my current linguistic roadblocks (My partner disagrees, but I swear my vocabulary is still not up to scratch). Second, maybe weaving the stories my two concussions together with as much of what I learned about concussions generally will help someone else get through a similar situation. I’m sure I’ll repeat bits and pieces of the stories and the information, but I hear learning is all about repetition so that’s probably alright.
​
One more note, for all of you out there struggling with work-life balance. Though I’m getting much better working a flexible and responsive work schedule, working as hard as I can whenever I can until I can’t anymore, I’m still struggling a little to keep to my self-care manifesto. I still find myself trying to bend my brain to a different work ethic and it’s had some bad consequences. And I still haven’t been able to get myself back into a good exercise habit. Now that I’m in the forest, it’s a bit easier to run into the woods when I need a break and I’ve been capitalizing on the opportunity whenever I can. I still do my best thinking on the trail- which is great motivation. I’m committed to keeping at it. Just keep swimming, right?  Or, if you're a tiny chimpfant, just keep climbing.
Picture
0 Comments

Introducing: Owemji!

7/2/2018

2 Comments

 
Picture
Oh. Em. Gee.

This is a short story and a short introduction to one of the newest Kanyawara chimpanzees.

Omusisa was one of my original study chimpanzees, entering the data as a juvenile when I started here five years ago. She’s used to the camera- she’s even relatively internet famous as our exemplar doll-playing, stick-carrying juvenile- so she features heavily in my pilot data. She aged out of my dissertation data when she experienced her first maximal swelling. On that day she officially graduated from juvenility into adolescence and became too old for my study. 

Of course, the whole process had been gradual despite the abrupt cut-off. She had gradually been spending more and more time away from her mother to hang out with adult and adolescent males. Less time playing with her age-mates and more time grooming with older chimps. Though she was still quite small in size, she was growing up socially slowly by slowly till it finally culminated in her first swelling. And then suddenly she was all grown up and all the males noticed. With her swelling she became immediately popular, drawing far more male attention than is usual for a young, nulliparous female. We wondered if the males would fawn so much over her when she emigrated to a new community sometime over the next few years.
​
But instead of emigrating, she surprised us all with a holiday baby! 
Picture
Surprise!
Normally, we’d have at least suspected what was about to happen but all of our attentions including mine, were on a different female named Leona. The males had been fawning and fighting over her for months and we were sure that she was finally pregnant. Though I wasn’t there to watch whether or how much her belly grew I was convinced, approaching the end of the year, that she must have been ready to pop any minute… we were so caught up in baby watching Leona that we lost track of the subadult females. And we certainly were not expecting one of our own natal females to stick around and give us such a wonderful present!
Picture
So that’s how Owemji got his name.
​There are other things here too. Something inspiring and poetic about beginnings and endings, and cyclical time. Something sarcastic about one of “my” study babies making a baby before I could finish my dissertation. Something deeply profound about how privileged and lucky I feel to see this many milestones in a chimpanzee’s life. But simply, Owemji is an adorable, squirmy little chimp comprising a wonderful plot twist, a jaw-dropping surprise, and his namesake phrase.
Picture
2 Comments

Writing Retreat and Old Friends

6/18/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Tangawizi makes a pretty great hat. Totally not even a little distracting either.
​When I boarded the plane heading home from here last August (2017), I had no idea when I might be back. Well, I knew that, in my heart, I needed to be back as soon as possible but I wasn’t sure when possible was. Long story short, all the cards fell into place and my toes touched Ugandan soil last week. I moved back into middle camp for a summer of writing up data and running into the forest when I need to think things out for a bit before squeezing them out of my brain onto digital paper.

​Ask anyone in camp and they can tell you Thatcher is my favorite. She was born about 18 months before my pilot season in 2013 and since I met her that summer she has always been my favorite. I love her mother, strong and sassy Tongo, as well. Every season without fail since I began collecting data for my dissertation, it just so happens that Tongo and Thatcher show up for work on my first data day. We walked into the forest yesterday and there they were, almost magically, with Tongo’s newer infant, Tangawizi, in tow.
Picture
Picture
He’s a very curious, and very sneaky little ape…just like his older siblings.
Thatcher is six and a half now. It feels impossible. Her little brother reminds me of how tiny she was when I first met her- though now he’s older than she was then! He’s shown a lot of the personality traits that I love in Thatcher, like her curiosity, but he’s even less shy than she ever was. He’s never bashful about staring. 
As always, running into them fills my heart up in ways that are difficult to describe. All at once being in the forest with them feels old and comforting, almost like a holiday tradition- like mulled wine by the fire at Christmas- while also feeling exciting and energizing, like catching up on gossip with a good friend you haven’t seen in ages. And I have so much to look forward to this summer: two new babies to meet, their favorite fruiting season just starting, old friends to catch up with here at camp and quite a few new ones to make, chipping away at my mounds of data, all of it culminating in a big conference in Nairobi- heading back to Kenya after seven years. I suspect there will be a lot to write about…
Picture
0 Comments

Portraits VIII: Gola, the first chimp I ever saw*

1/27/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
This portrait of Gola from 2013 is still my best chimpanzee portrait.
Nearly five years after I started my first pilot season, Gola still holds a very very special place in my heart for a few reasons. First, she's the first wild, live, juvenile chimpanzee* that I ever met.

On our first day in the field after Drew and I finished our pilot season quarantine,  we followed the field assistants into the forest before dawn. As we trudged along the muddy trail, contemplating how amazing and hard core our day was going to be, there was a cough. Barely a mile into the forest, along the main trail into the forest, the chimps had climbed from their nests to feed on a small, fuzzy fig called Ficus exasperata. The community was recovering from a respiratory outbreak that had hit them hard in March, killing three adults and an infant. Gola was one of the last coughing chimps. While the others ate, Gold continued resting for most of the morning. Though she remained in her nest, which was about 8 m up from the ground, I could see her head poking out from the edge of the her leafy bed. From the bank of the road where I stood below her, I watched her through my binoculars as she watched the other chimps start their day. After such a long while gazing at her, studying her face and noting her features, she was the first chimpanzee that I could readily identify without help from our expert field assistants.  
Secondly, the portrait that I snapped of Gola during my first field season (the first photograph at the start of this post) is, to this day, the best chimpanzee photograph that I have ever captured. She is so soft and thoughtful and perfectly lit in that shot. After such an auspicious beginning, she just continues to be the perfect model. She's given me some of the most expressive expressions and poignant images I could have asked for. I use them all the time to tell my own stories and show how similar to chimpanzees we can be. 
Picture
Honestly, I laughed aloud when I snapped this shot. Now I used as a standard "TFW they start mansplaining your own work in the middle of your talk..."
Picture
...and a few frames later, this one, for "TFW they're mansplaining the point you're about to make on your actual next slide." Feel free to use both of these toward illustrating those points, btw.
Picture
Gola resting in 2017, studying me thoughtfully through her legs and the branches of her ground nest. Not sure which one of us is getting better data...
And Gola and I have been through a lot together- although, I should really say that I watched Gola get through a lot. As Olympia's next-oldest sister, part of my pain in Olympia's death was watching Gola grapple with it. She was one of the first chimps out of the tree, darting after her mother and peering into Outamba's arms as she clutched her dying infant. Watching her groom her sister's body, carry it around, try to rouse it into playing (for the full story on that day, please see my previous blog).
Picture
Gola and I have shared many moments. In this previously posted but still integral to this blog shot, she looks past the body of her dead sister and into my lens, her face still soft as it was when I first photographed her in 2013.
My favorite thing about Gola is that she is just so prosocial. Like her sisters, she loves carrying sticks and stones around with her, playing with them and building nests for them. One of her favorite games is picking up any infant, just to carry it off, build a ground nest for the two of them, and the just groom the baby in the nest. Of course, the infants are less thrilled with this game than she is and tend to run for their mothers after a few moments of forced grooming. Gola loves new females and has been among the first to approach and groom the three that have joined since I started working with the project. She seems sensitive to injured chimps as well. Over the summer she was very interested in the wounds of recently snared young male. When Gaga came back with her snare in 2016, Gola groomed her for hours.
Picture
Picture
Gola playing with her little sister, Omukunyu.
Picture
After I left the forest this summer, Gola lost her mother and newest sister, Omukunyu, too. I don't know much about how she's doing since then, but I've heard that she's been hanging with the big boys, like Tuber, seen below playing with Gola and chewing on her fingers. My fingers are crossed for this juvenile. Surviving without a mother is hard on chimps, even after they're completely weaned, but if anyone can get through it, a social butterfly like Gola should stand a decent chance.
Picture
Picture
Picture
*The actual first wild chimp that I saw was an elderly, and very dead, male named Stout, but that's another story for another day. 
0 Comments

Just A Plain Old Normal Day Part II: Halfway To Dinner

1/5/2018

0 Comments

 
Picture
Tangawizi is always too cool for school... if he had sunglasses, he'd wear 'em at night.

The chimanventure continues...

Sometimes chimpanzee knuckle prints are frustratingly difficult to discern. Other times they’re practically billboards. With the right weather and mud consistency you can tell whether the calloused reliefs are a few minutes, or hours, or days old. More often than you might expect, the prints leave clues about which specific chimps you’re tailing: a couple of robust, strong-handed adult males; a lone, knobby-knuckled senior; a mother with her small and slender-fingered juvenile. On rarer occasion, features like missing fingers, limbs or a particularly unique gait can even help you discern the individual.

In this set, we found big, strong knuckles followed by one large, round, indented oval. It could only be Max, a young-adult male who very sadly lost both of his feet to two different snare injuries when he was quite young. That big oval is the stronger, less painful leg stump that he balances on as he travels. He tends to tuck the other leg up into his chest to keep it off the ground. Following Max’s trail there was another set from a much smaller, and therefore younger, chimp.

Perhaps Max’s little brother, Moon? We followed the trail from print to print like bread crumbs tracing each outline. It could be Max and Moon. The brothers have travelled together quite a lot since their mother died a few years ago, but recently Moon’s been branching out, extending his social network to other, older males. This summer he’s practically been Eslom’s shadow. Alternatively- given that the sets weren’t overlapping in quite the right way to conclude they must have been made at the same time- it could be Max on his own following in some other chimps’ trail. I swallowed my raising hopes of finding Moon to stave off the disappointment of the later option.

As we crouched over the knuckle prints, talking through the options, a twig snapped up trail. Looking up from the wet earth we caught the last edges of dark limb and the rustle of dense vegetation swallowing the form.

CHIMP! ​

A few quick steps to catch up and we confirm: Max resting in the bushes us off trail! …and Moon above him reaching for a snack!
​
Nailed it! Even though these two just fine for me because Moon is one of my focals, they aren’t ideal for Stephanie’s mother-focused work. But, compared to the geezers we found this morning, they are much more likely to run into one of her focals. A sigh of relief, high-five and tugende! Let’s go!! 
Picture
Moon is a bit shy and very quiet (aka sneaky).
Picture
Moon (above) sitting opposite bother Max (right) chowing down and looking suspicious of me... I chose this image because it shows Max's feet so clearly. His resilience amazes me every day.
Picture
With renewed energy we followed the brothers as they led us straight back across the valley and into one of the few remaining patches of Uvariopsis. When they reached the grove, Max sat below the stand of trees and Moon paused just behind him. The pair surveyed the quality lingering fruits, considering which tree trunk to climb first.

But their eyes, and ours, found more than just fruits--- exactly as we’d hoped they would--- they’d taken us to even more chimps!

​And just like that, in the perfect one-day metaphor for what it means to be a chimper, we went from the feeling that we’d never find our focals ever again, to stumbling over Max and Moon, and now, like she had magically granted my deepest wish, here was Tongo feeding above our set of orphaned brothers alongside all of her offspring (even the fully grown ones)! The boys each climbed up their own thin UVA trunk, food-barking happily....
Picture
Now this is a party. 

Picture
Picture
After stuffing themselves each to the brim, each chimp came down one by one to recline on the ground, approach a friend, exchange some grooming, play with Tongo’s infant, Tangawizi, and generally relax. Somehow we had stepped out of the most disappointing type of early morning into the most rewarding mid-day! I mean honestly, to go from no suitable data chimps, to the best type of chimp viewing with my favorite chimps?! It was delightful!
Picture
Tangawizi taking notes on proper grooming technique and etiquette.

And we’re not even to the best part of the day yet....

...to be continued

0 Comments

How to Dissertate Through Your Concussion: A Self-Care Manifesto

12/28/2017

0 Comments

 

con·cus·sion
/kənˈkəSHən/
noun

  1. a brain injury caused by a blow to the head. The term is also used loosely of the aftereffects such as confusion or temporary incapacity. |i.e. "they suffered a concussion"
  2. a violent shock as from a heavy blow.
    i.e. "the ground shuddered with the concussion of the blast"
adapted from Google Dictionary
Spoiler alert: The take-home message of this post is in the title.  
Second spoiler: I wrote that sentence so that I would stop forgetting what the take-home message of this post was. 
Picture
Yes, I am luring you into reading this post with picture of an extremely thoughtful, yet entirely unnecessary gorilla. Also, I just really enjoy this photograph and it's my blog so I get to do things like that. ;)

A brief introduction:

There are two pieces to my new series on my own concussion. Later, I’ll publish a longer, narrative piece about what I went through and am going through as I muddle my way through to getting better. This first bit is the shorter one. It started as a few quick tips and tricks to dealing with the symptoms of concussion, but it’s matured into a bit of a Self-Care Manifesto for two reasons.

First, at the end of the day, you should always take good care of yourself whether or not you’ve had a mildly traumatic (it has not been *mildly* traumatic for me, btw) brain injury. Second, it is so easy to forget to take care of yourself. This is especially true in academia. But when something takes away your brain (aka your academic capital) and forces self-care on you as the only way to get it back, it feels like a pretty obvious sign that you should make a few permanent changes to your life and treat yourself better.
​
Then I thought I might forget my own advice so I ought to write it down. Then I thought maybe it might help other people so I ought to share it. Then I thought that this list is probably comprised of all the things that other better, more successful academics than me already do and so they don’t need this list and people will be mad I wasted their time. Then I thought, that’s probably my concussion mood-swing and anxiety talking and screw it, it could help one person so let’s publish it.
​

What's a concussion?

Picture
Concussions happen when your head and/or body receive a traumatic blow or violent shake—basically when you hit something or something hits you with great force. The force causes your brain to bounce about or twist inside your skull. This, in turn, can cause damage to brain cells, lead to mild swelling (I disagree with this terminology given that it’s inside my head), and/or cause hormonal changes that generally wreak havoc on you until they’re sorted out.

Most people associate concussions with high-impact sports like football, especially given recent revelations about the long-term and compounding effect of multiple concussions. However, they also happen in other contexts like car crashes or slipping on the winter ice and falling. The important points to remember are that anyone can get a concussion and that you don’t even have to hit your head directly or lose consciousness to have suffered one. The handy little infographic below outlines the constellation of symptoms associated with concussions.  Each of these may be present or absent, either immediately or after a delay, may range from mild to severe, and may resolve themselves quickly or slowly and not necessarily in concordance with one another. Delightful, isn't it?

Picture
image from https://concussionu.wordpress.com
I’ll be more honest about my symptoms and how badly this has been going for me in my next installment. At this point in time, things are still too frustratingly fresh to disentangle and describe accurately or precisely. Let’s just say that all of the things that one might need in their mental dissertating tool-kit like laser-like focused concentration, cohesive intractable logic, a top-notch command of written-language communication tools, and the ability so stare deeply into your lap-top for hours on end… can disappear like you never developed them in the first place. And so, if you’re like me, you might find that very frustrating… like collapse into a pile of tears frustrating… but I’ve found some incredibly helpful guiding principles and been working on organizing them.

Here are those thoughts before they disaparate....

How Dissertate Through Concussion:
A Self-Care Manifesto

Self-care is no bull-shit and the longer you deny your body what it wants and needs the worse the symptoms of your concussion will be and the longer they will last so listen to your body. When you have a concussion, most of the arguably adaptive symptoms are telling you to slow down, take a break, and take it easy on yourself for a minute.

Most importantly, despite what anyone has ever told you or whatever messed-up industry standards you’re stuck in, sleep whenever your body says so. Work whenever it feels ok. Don’t fight it. I can feel you thinking that I’m wrong and I’m obviously just weak and not cut out for this and that if it were you, you’d be able to find a way to meet your impossible deadlines no matter what. It’s ok to be wrong sometimes. It feels terrifying at first, but get real with yourself, you’re not doing good work when you’re mostly sleeping anyway. You may as well sleep and heal. Trust me.
Organize yourself in a way that sets you up for nailing it.

First of all, do yourself a favor and split up the parts of your day that require hard-core concentration and staring at a computer. In general, the most productive hours of the day for this type of work are the morning ones, right after you wake up. The concussion twist is that this type of work might tire you out very quickly and also give you a terrible headache. So what’s been working best for me is basically a brain-drain-then-relax circuit of waking up, starting to work through my task list (see below), giving up when I’m too tired or my headache is too bad, stretching or walking the dog, napping, and repeat.

Oh and another thing, patience comes harder and frustration comes easier when you're concussed so one added benefit of splitting up your hard-core computer time is that the less time you spend making yourself battle R or any other computer program with a bad attitude the less likely your laptop is to come to untimely end in a losing battle against the wall. Srsly it's hard enough for me when I'm not concussed so I advise giving yourself extra breaks if/when you are. 

Instead of trying to adhere to any typical rules and advice to maximize productivity, do you the way you do you best. For me, that means sitting down before bed (or over coffee depending on how tired I am) and writing myself a plan of attack (like a methods section) for getting through the next day. I write it in a digital document so that I can rearrange, add, strike-out, and delete things during the day. Sometimes I even write a daily goal at the top of the document. The big concussion benefit of this is that I have instructions written out for me to keep me on track when I lose my concentration or train of thought, or if I need to take a break to relax (see above).
​
My personal concussion twist is that I write my daily schedule like a choose your own adventure novel. This stops me from feeling like a failure if the first thing (usually lab work) takes three times as long as it should. It also means that I have an immediate backup plan ready just in case the first plan doesn’t pan out. In my concussion-head-space, the idea of rearranging on the fly really stresses me out so this is a good way for me to reduce stress and maintain a bit of productivity so I don’t get down on myself about failure. One silver lining of this whole concussion shenanigans has been that rearranging the way I do things has actually led to a few of the most insanely productive days I’ve had since I got back from the field in August. I plan to keep this strategy even if/when I’m all-the-way-better.
Lastly, if you have a partner, or a housemate, or any other close friend that you trust, let them in. Everything I have been dealing with was making me feel like I was losing my brain, my identity, and even a bit of my grip on reality. And at first my concussion also kept me from working out and running through my stress which is a very important avenue for stress-management to me. If I hadn’t had my partner there to talk through things and help me put all the pieces together, I very easily and very incorrectly could have kept trying to force myself into being better instead of listening to my body and brain and checking in with a doctor too. All that forcing would have exacerbated the whole thing too because I wouldn’t be taking care of myself the way I needed to in order to heal. At the end of the day, pushing an injury can not only stretch out the healing process but it can also prevent healing. I do not want to be like this forever, so I am giving my Brain whatever it wants/needs.

It’s also important to remember that it’s alright to ask for help and lean on people when you need support. It has also been absolutely clutch to have someone to check-in with about how I’m feeling, the pace of my recovery, random tasks and reminders that he’s keeping in his brain to help me until mine starts working again. I cannot overestimate how helpful this has been.

Another reason to try and keep it real with your partner: concussions can cause unpredictable mood swings. This, coupled with the general confusion and other symptoms can make things super tough on your relationships. I’m not in the business of giving relationship advice, but I can tell you that open communication (almost stream-of-consciousness style at times) has been extremely important for getting my partner and me through this injury. Another silver lining: working together through this concussion has helped us work on communication and we both feel like we have an even stronger partnership.

In conclusion: take care of yourself through your dissertation, and your concussion, but especially through both. 

NOTE: if you read through this entire blog, are not my mother, and noticed any egregious spelling, grammatical, or factual errors, please message me. It took me a long and frustrating amount of time to write, organize, and upload this post. As such, I decided it would be best to cut those efforts and publish before the blog cost me my laptop. ;)  For instance, partner just texted me to tell me that I wrote "stranger partnership" instead of "stronger." Srsly ppl, don't concuss yourself. 
0 Comments

Just a Plain Old, Normal Day, Part 1: Good Luck, Bad Luck

9/24/2017

 
Picture
​Mid July 2017

The fission-less Uvariopsis season finally coming to a close, our chimp friends have begun to steadily break off into smaller and smaller subgroups spreading farther and farther across the territory. Yesterday our dedicated FA’s followed small group of males that fed late into the evening, turning the humans back to camp before the chimps built their night nests. There were no females left in the party by the end of the night which was bad news for Stephanie and I, but this morning we woke up hopeful that our luck would change.

We headed in toward a wide, flat-bottomed valley where Stephanie had last seen several females feeding together on a fruit from the genus Pseudospondias. It’s a grape-sized, green-purple grape-colored fruit that is so tannic it sucks all the moisture from your mouth like chalk. Our destination is a beautifully wide, flat, valley that you reach after hiking up a hill, down a valley, through the swamp, back up a hill, down into the next valley, and repeat for about 3-5k (or 2-3mi) until you finally get there. That said, that kind of hike out is both a great way to get your blood flowing in the morning and also very typical these days so neither of us was all too upset about it.

Thirty minutes into the hike and at the peak of the second hill, a rally of pant-hoots arced around the valley. We couldn’t believe our luck! We stopped to listen, our grinning faces following each voice from a few hundred meters stretching across the eastern swamp sweeping westerly through thick vegetation in front of us, across a second swamp, up the next-west hill, and finally very far and very west and slightly behind us.
​
Game. On. 
All around us, the calls continued from at least three or four different locations- all of them out of sight but surely within about a hundred meters of us just up the next hills. We chose the next-west hill and booked, still beaming, toward the pant hoots. We suspected a nice big party was coming together and all we needed was one female. Easy peasy. What a lucky day! We barely had to try! This chimping thing isn’t so bad!!

7:34 am and we found our first chimps feeding together on young leaves about 6m up in a fig tree: two geriatric males and one subadult male cling-on.

Right then. Not exactly what we wanted, but no big deal! Male chimps are always louder and more obvious than females!
Picture
Resident old man, Big Brown. It's not that I don't love ya buddy, but you're not in my protocol...
Picture
...and you, Unasema, aged out two years ago! Where's your mom and sister?

Step 2: search the area checking for peripheral females that might be quietly foraging at the edges of our currently all-male in the party.


Nothing. Disappointing, surely, but no call to despair yet! Surely some of these boisterous others will join us here. Or these old men will find us a chimp friend more suitable for our data needs.

As we begin processes our options more calls bounce around the valley. Then, seeming to personally oblige our dreams of finding others, Big Brown, our communities oldest male (not that you would know it. He’s in far better shape any of the other old guys), looked toward the calls and slid down a fire-pole sized tree in typical fire-pole fashion. As he sauntered down the trail away from the tree, the other two followed suit, and here we go--in the only direction where exactly no chimp pant-hoots originated.

Picture
I hear you, chimps! Why can't I see you? Where are you?? If only I could knuckle-walk and climb better...

And so we found ourselves at the day’s first truly tough decision: to follow or not to follow. Chimps tend to be better at finding other chimps than people are at finding any. My general rule, and advice to others, is to stick with the chimps you have and let them find friends for you. However, older males tend to spend less time in bigger groups, so you can’t necessarily rely on their tracking help, especially if they’re already trailing a few friends. We already knew none of the females were at the most receptive points in their cycles so there were no particularly sexy ladies inspiring these males to come and find them. And worse- no receptive females, means none who would be seeking this particular company either. So, which gamble do we take? Should we stick with the old guys and hope they feel social? Or trade them in and try to switch to one of the other, louder parties somewhere else in this valley?


We opted for the trade-in. With other chimps so close by, what is there to lose?
​

Picture
Such happy, hopeful chimpers in the early morning!

Off we went! We spent the next two hours or so hiking toward calls, never quite making it to the location of the first one before hearing the next one, which was always in a slightly different direction and still too far away for us reach them. These chimps were clearly traveling in ones and twos. And moving quickly. Destination: far. A classically frustrating tracking day.
​
Picture
...uh, chimp friends?? Where'd ya go, guys??
Picture
...no chimps here, either. Grr...
Picture
Picture
...Are you here?? ...No?? kthxguys...

​Step 3: time to take a break and think through the odds.

We stopped. Caught our breath. Listened as several sets of calls rang out. One from about 50-60m through vegetation behind us and three at varying degrees of far away east. It was becoming clear that these were tiny foraging parties. They spread out across a long valley as full to the brim with dense herbaceous vegetation as it is sparse with big, fruiting trees. We still hadn’t seen a single one of them since we left Big Brown and Co. Not an ideal situation.
But they all seem to be heading in the same general direction. That piece, we can work with. We took the most-preferred chimp path from our location traveling with the chimps, as our own tiny party. As we went we moved slowly by slowly, our eyes pouring over each inch of leaf litter, mud, and dirt for clues.

A knuckle print!
Picture

To be continued…

So I haven't posted in a while...

9/20/2017

 
Picture

I have no idea how it suddenly turned into September. It just all happened so fast!  

Honestly, it’s just that every time I sit down to write, I can’t figure out where and how to start. Just like every other season the last one started off feeling never ending, insurmountable even. It dragged on forever, a never ending loop of wake up at 6am, stagger into the forest at first light, follow the chimps, go home and eat and enter data and sleep, repeat.

And then, I was so pleasantly surprised by the most amazing summer. You might not even believe it if you weren’t there. By mid-July, the entire community had ranged and fed and played and groomed together every day for so many weeks that a first-year graduate student out for their first summer finally turned to me to ask, “So, fission-fusion, is it really how chimps work or just one of those things you read about all the time but it’s not reality…?” You can’t believe the fairy tale wonderland of June and July. And it lasted forever!

Until it stopped. And they all broke apart again like they were never all together in the first place. Like the magical fairy tale wonderland never happened- like they’d deny it ever could. And that was, of course, magical in its own right. Something about the wonder of witnessing a thing that no one else might ever see and knowing that it might never happen again. Feeling like maybe the chimps knew it too, like they were looking at us telling us not to get our hopes up because it can’t last forever.

And then when it finally really did end, it came too quickly and not soon enough in the realest most complicated kind of way: equal parts dark and light; and happy and sad; and beautiful and tragic in some sort of not-quite-Shakespearean poeticism. And I’m still working through the mechanics of how to write about it in a way that does all the sides justice.

I have a few bits and pieces that are nearly ready. I want to be as honest as I can about how I experienced the last few months. They were so amazing and so hard and so terribly, terribly beautiful. The balance is nearly right. They’ll be coming along just as soon as they’re polished… so stay tuned.
Picture
Picture
Above: DOIN' SCIENCE!! image credit: Marian Hamilton Left: just a selfie with my chimpfant besties.
<<Previous

    Kris Sabbi

    This blog is a forum share my personal experiences as a field researcher and traveler.
    These words are my own and do not reflect the views of any of my affiliates or any granting agency. 

    Categories

    All
    Current Science
    Field Feelings
    Manifesto
    Naledi
    Op-Ed
    Paleoanthropology
    Photo Ops
    Portraits
    Reader's Questions
    Silly Chimp Pics
    Story

    Tweets by @KrisSabbi

    Blog Archives

    June 2022
    March 2022
    September 2018
    July 2018
    June 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    March 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015


    By Category

    All
    Current Science
    Field Feelings
    Manifesto
    Naledi
    Op-Ed
    Paleoanthropology
    Photo Ops
    Portraits
    Reader's Questions
    Silly Chimp Pics
    Story

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.
  • Home
  • Research
  • Outreach
  • A Field Blog